The Rowengartner Gambit

Palin is the latest piece of McCain quackery.

by David Faris

Before Obama picked six-term Delaware Sen. Joe Biden to be his running mate, GOP talking heads sternly recommended a seasoned Washington veteran to balance Obama's inexperience. New York Times columnist David Brooks even wrote a column practically begging for Biden himself.

If Democrats could have done the same thing for John McCain, they would have told the 72-year-old cancer survivor to pick someone who is inarguably qualified to assume the duties of president. Whatever you think of the contemporary GOP, this is not exactly a short list. Instead, McCain made the single worst casting decision since Hayden Christensen ruined the new Star Wars franchise.

The immediate benefits of Palin were obvious. She's appealing and likeable, and resembles no one more than the kick-ass Frances McDormand character in Fargo. Her selection was a jaw-dropper that totally obliterated coverage of Obama's magnificent convention speech. And as a full-blown, all-your-uterus-are-belong-to-us creationist fundamentalist, she mollifies the Spanish Inquisition wing of the Republican Party.

But the more you think about it, the less sense Palin makes. For purely tactical reasons, her selection removes the single plausible, non-ideological argument against Obama — the lack of experience. Two years ago Palin was a small-town mayor, and she has less than two years on the job as governor of Seward's Backwater. Whatever you think of Obama's résumé, he has almost four years of immersion in Washington politics and boasts a long record of intellectual engagement with the major domestic and international issues of the day.

By the standards of this pick, Michael Nutter would be qualified to be Obama's vice president. Nutter is actually vastly more qualified for higher office than Palin. Nutter was a member of the Philadelphia City Council — a legislative decision-making body for 1.4 million people — for 15 years, and has been the leader of the sixth-largest city in the U.S. for nine months. And as Republicans pedantically point out about Palin, he has "executive experience."

Countless pundits have called Palin a "Hail Mary" pass, but Palin is more like McCain's Rowengartner Gambit. In the 1993 film Rookie of the Year, a 12-year-old boy named Henry Rowengartner suddenly finds himself able to throw 100 mph after a freak accident. Signed by the hapless Chicago Cubs, he leads the team to the precipice of victory only to see his fastball desert him at the last moment. Unable to get anyone out on the merits, he uses a series of tricks (including the timeless "hidden ball") to secure the game's last outs.

Facing certain defeat at t